Go ahead, try to make Dad’s Christmas day with a pair of Argyle socks, a neon plaid tie, or a sweater so ugly the dog steals and buries it. So this holiday season, think outside the conventional retail box and opt for a memorable gift. Here are some ideas that will raise Dad’s eyebrows and, hopefully, a smile, too.
Cool Golfer
No penalties for giving this set of two golf ball-shaped ice cube molds to a golf-obsessed father. Perfect for a lunchtime meal at home watching “Caddyshack” or while enjoying his iced tee with that club(house) sandwich. But you’ll need to buy an extra set so Dad can yell that he has “Fore!” in his glass. From uncommongoods.com ($24.50).
Belt Up
In an episode of the old TV show “Columbo,” a victim is found wearing a belt containing a secret zipper compartment – but are these real? Yes, they are. While not exactly designed for the stealthy transportation of gold bullion, it’s a discrete way to carry cash, credit cards, or other tiny treasures. But Dad shouldn’t get his hopes up if Mom makes a beeline for his belt; she’ll probably be looking for funds rather than fun. From thisiswhyimbroke.com ($89.99).
Picnic on the Go
If yours is a weekend picnicking kinda family, enjoy an outdoor meal together by loading all the plates, cups, bowls, and utensils into one specially designed Picnic Backpack for dad to lug a mile or two through the forest at the local State Park. What’s more, it frees up his hands so he can also haul the food, drinks, ice chest, chairs, blankets, etc. Dad will love it and come Monday morning, so will his chiropractor. From personalcreations.com ($82.89).
Vulcan Helping Hand
They may think they’re tough, but even dads can’t remove a 400-degree dish from the oven with bare hands. And if Dad’s been cooking his special liver and onion casserole for the family supper, it’s hard to look manly transferring a hot dish to the table with a Hello Kitty oven mitt. The Star Trek Mr. Spock Oven Mitt is far more logical for a man. All that remains is for the family to sample Dad’s cooking and pray you all live long and prosper. From shutupandtakemymoney.com ($16.30).
Shell Out for This
As any eggnog-making dad knows, recipes generally call for egg yolks only. Mr. Sneezy Egg Separator to the rescue! As brilliant as it is revolting, Dad has only to crack the eggs into Mr. Sneezy’s head, tilt, and the egg whites ooze out disgustingly through Mr. S’s nose leaving behind the yolks. Dad may get snotty if the family starts calling him the Boogerman, but he will likely have the slime of his life with this gift. From thegeektheory.com ($14.99).
Pet Rocks Still Rock
They made the late Gary Dahl a millionaire in the 1970s, but pet rocks are still around. Sure, it’s a (small) boulder move as Dad gifts go and he may think you’ve hit rock bottom on the gift-giving front, but it may be your only chance to see him stoned. No refunds if defective. From petrock.com ($29.99).
A Cutting Gift
Men love their knives. So for Dads who also like to cook, the Voodoo Knife set combines both for a whimsical if not ghoulish gift that a single parent might especially appreciate. It comprises a set of 5 knives that are inserted into a small human figurine knife block that could symbolize a former partner. Sold as “The Ex” – Ouch! – Dads can make a point with each vindictive blade insertion (works for Moms, too). Possibly therapeutic, but definitely expensive. From thegadgetflow.com ($159).
Nick Thomas teaches at Auburn University at Montgomery and has written features, columns, and interviews for numerous newspapers and magazines. See www.getnickt.com.